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| 夕阳无限好只是近黃昏 |
A dear friend told me she missed my midnight muses. So here I am, penning down my 10-minute shower thoughts - damn, Singapore's weather, really last warning. My thoughts tend to flow in a linear, fluid manner, henceforth, I cannot guarantee the coherency of this piece - just like most of my other midnight muses anyway. Tonight I am thinking of repercussions of writing freely on the Internet, and why am I thinking about this? This leads me to my main point: 2 weeks away from graduation, I am still jobless.
I will be graduating as a university graduate with an honours degree to my name. But that doesn't really mean anything unless I get a job to pay off my student debts first. That doesn't mean I am completely desperate to find a job despite the tiny, subtle pressures from my friends. Because I want to find a job I really want, not settle for anything less. So dear future new-age employer who stalks their prospective employees on social media, if I do appear at a job interview, you are nothing less than what I want. Even though I am still applying or attending other job interviews. Wait, what?
Does this not sound like the modern-day dating market?
Demand-supply chains of human resources and striving for 'perfect information' on what best fits each other. Dating multiple people before you find the one. In the employment market, there will be other back-up plans because reality is tough, and finding the perfect job could be an impractical dream... You might seriously end up with a bank account hanging dangerously nearer to zero than anything else, and not everyone has parents fund to fall back on.
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What I wished I knew. It's still not too late.
Life isn't life if you knew what lies ahead. That's why human-to-human communication and the social media is extremely crucial in helping everyone experience multiple lives and live through others' vicariously. As compared to our predecessors, human beings of this century probably are years more advanced in terms of knowledge and 'life experience', and also, suffer from fast deteriorating eye-sights. Point being... I wished I knew somebody told me this - number one, the cliché: Grades don't matter that much. This part, everyone knows by now (Decent grades are the bare minimum.) What matters then? To put it across shortly: what you do in your free time.
Most interviews boil down to this - it doesn't matter what activities you do in school, during your internships, or hobbies. These truly made up who you are, and ultimately this in turn demonstrates what you can deliver as a new cog in the huge machinery of the workforce.
Interviews made me reflect a lot as a person, how much I've done thus far in life and how years of hardship you've put in for certain things are summarised in inconsequential lines that the HR may not even read. Or they could be 'too long' for that one page and has to be mercilessly truncated further.
Interviews can make you and me feel bad, there's always defeating thoughts such as: I wished I've done more. I wished I were better. I wished I could have taken up another skill-set. I wished I ain't that shallow, weak, (and insert a plethora of self-depreciating adjectives)...
If something's not working out right, you're not looking for it in the right place.
Or you're looking too hard for it. Take a leaf out of dating advice columns - it's not that you're not good enough. It's simply not the right fit.
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| Took approximately 30 shots before getting an 'appropriate' picture. It wasn't this one. |
And not obviously, we are human made from flesh and time.
The beauty of each human being cannot be understood easily, neither can their flaws.
Their passions and dreams that have been culled by reality. Can you still hear their breathing, what they were like when they were first conceived? Unfortunately, we are taught that some dreams are lesser than others. And we are taught that this is how we progress. Or a specific group of people's definition of progression.
Why is it that with every meeting and conversation, we are forced through a cookie cutter again and again... until we conform to what we should be?
Memories, experiences, childhoods, who we are, whitewashed into a golden standard.
Perfect, they'd say. You're now ready.
I am still jobless, two weeks away from graduation.
Who conditioned me to feel uneasy, to feel inadequate just because I am not one of the prospective graduates with 'multiple job offers' from brand name employers? Maybe an email resting in my inbox, telling us the categories of what the ideal graduate is. Maybe, it's the scrutinizing and collective judgment of the society that marks everyone by their salary and utility to the economy.
Writing all these doesn't mean I am actually bothered and upset, I am just confused. I just need some time to think it through (writing really helps) to make sure the next crucial step in my life is made carefully, not in fear of being judged. I am now aware of how the world spins, a little more... isn't this the ultimate gift of my four years in Sociology that I can take away? Despite being an undervalued, underrated major, there are too many lessons that I wouldn't exchange the world for. This is the final stretch, unless I decide to further my studies with a masters degree - this option is increasingly enticing because of my love for writing (coherence; however, is not guaranteed).
It's been 18 long years.
Countless of teachers who have given me plenty.
I could probably recall some of the syllabus by the piecemeal, but most of the most memorable ones are the life lessons on perseverance, on civic-mindedness, on the importance of positivity, on dealing with setbacks and unforeseen circumstances, on facing up to my monsters.
Breaking boundaries, comfort zones, experimenting what I truly am like (good or rebellious), and slowly, being able to stand on my two feet as a young adult.
But I'm still learning.
There's still too many things in the world that deserve to be understood and learnt.
They say, school is really easy as compared to the workplace.
So it seems. But we'll see. I love an adventure, I love a challenge, and to see how much I can take, and exceed those expectations. If I get a job, that is. Well... it's getting late, and here's what I have for a graduation post (sort of). I might write more when I have inspiration. Till then, take care. And happy graduation to the relevant folks.
xx
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I share interesting episodes in life revolving around food, lifestyle, travel and inspirational ideas. If you would like to stay in touch, follow me on my Instagram on @amie.hu and Facebook page!