Dear 21-year old Amie,
I would want to tell you all the pitfalls ahead of you, and that you need to trust me on this even if you don't believe in it. You will still go on your merry way any way, stubborn as a bull as you always are. It doesn't matter whether I really can send this post back in time (maybe I could, if I changed the publish date of this post to 1-1-2015) and tell you this... because we'll still do it the way we did. Because there are some lessons that are meant to learn by experience, not lecture. Time and fate are the best teachers in life.
Right now, it's the second week of January 2016. I still suck at giving advice. I still say 'YOLO, fuck that shit, let's just do it' way too much, and still subjectively believe it's awesome advice.
But at least... what I mean is to keep your heart open. Collect new experiences and memories. Find out what the world is like. You'll only regret the chances you never took, and embarrassing moments will fade with time. You'll be surprised how bad your memory really is when it comes to those.
Always talk to strangers. Especially those you have a good feeling about. You'll never know what comes out of it. Most of it, positive. You'll make great friendships that you never knew were possible. They will make you laugh, and cry - from laughing too much. And the rest? It goes with the wind. A strong gust of it.
Get the hell over the fear of missing out. Nobody really cares. Nobody cares, except yourself. If you don't care either, don't bother with it.
Alcohol is meant to be enjoyed, not abused. 2014 was a year that saw you through a troubling relationship with alcohol, so was the beginning of 2015. Blurry eyes on many nights that did nothing to numb pain or memories, because what alcohol does to your brain is to magnify whichever emotion or memory you are trying to get rid of. You will grow to love whiskey some time along the way, and learn to use it to amplify positive feelings instead - happiness and relaxation. By the way, to get rid of feelings of upset, sleep is still the best solution.
You are the only person that will be with yourself till the very end. Nobody else is a guarantee. Always be good to yourself. You tried for years to stop pleasing everyone. You will continue to try. Putting yourself as a priority takes some effort, but it can be done. Keep doing it. You haven't regretted any bit of that.
People overthink. You under-thought. Don't think too simply about people's intentions, feelings and emotions. Don't stick to assumptions or stereotypes. They are almost always wrong. Humans are very, very similar. Think deeper, look at the wider scope of situations, take care of your behavior and how it'll affect others. Consequences. Consequences. Consequences.
You don't have to tell someone everything. It's okay to take some secrets to your grave. Even though that grave could be decades away. Best friends, lovers, sisters or blog - they aren't appropriate keepers for many thoughts.
Take things slow, let things go. Reiterate: nobody really cares. Enjoy the ride, that's what life is about. This piece of advice will set you free, and propels you towards the freedom you have right now.
Being able to withhold your best ability to hurt someone with your words would require great mental strength and maturity. It is also the highest form of emotional intelligence. You will grow a caustic tongue, a sharper mind, a more sarcastic vocabulary. It doesn't mean you should use it as your weapon. Put it down, choose love, choose courtesy, choose hugs. Keep putting it down. You will find it difficult. You will not feel happy about it, you will still struggle to do it. But you will love the outcomes.
Nothing truly matters. What matters is your choice. Most things won't. You'll realize that nothing is truly important or necessary in your life. Nothing at all. You can leave everything at any one point, even now. It's a matter of choice.
The fleetingness of time that you feel? It'll help keep out fear. In 2015, you will feel like you are floating along, dreaming... a lot. Don't fight it. It will bring you through a lot of situations that you will not dare to go through if you've had had reality checks. This sounds scary, but you won't regret it for the experiences it'll bring you.
Pray. You are more religious than you think, and you'll grow to understand what a 'religion' is, and the strength you can draw from it. It's not too strange a concept to accept, as you might be thinking now, but it'll be okay. For the things you feel helpless over, prayers seem to work pretty fine. Be thankful you wake up every single day, healthy and painless. Don't ever take that for granted ever again.
Oh, and - you don't become wiser. You actually kinda become stupider, more blithe, and happier. All is well. I know you secretly love spoilers so here's one: there's a surprise waiting for you at the end of 2015. A good one, I think.
Always got your back,
You, + 1 year
You, + 1 year