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| Photo credits: networking-events.com.au/ |
What is small talk? Everyone defines it differently. I consider small talk to be a short conversation, usually with strangers or acquaintances, that revolve around getting-to-know-you questions. Some commonly used words to describe small talk include: awkward, insincere, shallow, meaningless, polite (with a hint of obligation). These are the exact reasons why I hate making small talk - I don't like to engage myself in conversations for the sake of avoiding silence. It really doesn't have to be this way. I would not say I'm a pro at making small talk. Or rather, I'm hardly a pro. But I'm learning, trying new ways to make it less awkward, more sincere, more depth and less meaningless. What are some strategies you use to make small talk more meaningful?
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| Photo credits: sheownsit.com/ |
1. Pretend that the new friend is an old friend whom you haven't met for ages.
This is the number one helpful tip when it comes to easing small talk that I've used. Awkwardness is highly contagious. To break the ice quickly, the first step is to adjust your mindset. Banish all self-conscious thoughts. Do you have that one friend whom you don't see for a year and yet can start chit-chatting smoothly upon meeting up? That's the frame of mind you should get into. You will still ask the banal questions of "how are you doing now?" and so on, but minus all that self-doubt. Of course, don't get too convinced about this semi-delusion with your new friend. Steer away from sensitive topics like religion and controversial topics until you are sure they are comfortable or open-minded to talk about these without getting upset.
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| Photo credits: Huffington Post |
2. Don't prepare 'topics' beforehand. Let the conversation flow.
I've seen tips for making small talk, such as preparing 'topics' - perhaps, ambition, work, family, hobbies, and so on. Stop! That makes conversations really forced and uncomfortable. Conversations should be natural. You are not on stage - neither performing nor making a speech. Let spontaneity spark! Questions will come when you are interested in getting to know the person - refer to the first strategy - remember: you want to know all about your old friend's latest happenings! Listen closely to what they have to say so that you can respond appropriately.
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| Photo credits: linnareacu.org |
3. Maintain a higher energy level than usual.
We aren't always hyper, but it's good to maintain a slightly higher energy level than your usual I-would-rather-be-in-bed mode. Keep the little happiness in your voice to show that you're excited to meet him/her, but don't go overboard. It's a fine line - cheerful versus edging on delirium. If you fall into the latter category, you might come off as sounding fake, even though unintentional.
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| Photo credits: wordoflifehungary.files.wordpress.com/ |
4. Open-ended questions
One of the chief reasons why conversations peter out consistently: questions are seemingly asking for one-word answers. Instead of getting tongue-tied after pelting your new friend with interrogative questions of their profile, start asking them questions that are more elaboration-friendly. For example, as a follow-up to the answer of what one's job is: "how do you like the experience of working as a (insert occupation here)?" instead of "where are you working at?". It might not be intuitive to the other party to continue the conversation, take the lead if you can.
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| Photo credits: thehagblog.com/blog/2014/7/29/keep-it-classy |
5. Be comfortable with silence, and indicate an excuse to make a move if it doesn't go too well.
The second strategy is key to making more meaningful exchange, but chemistry is a gift that doesn't come to everyone who cross paths. Sometimes the conversation keeps dying off prematurely even for conversations that should spark interest - and that is a sign that you might want to pause the conversation or exit completely. If it is a situation where you can't get up and leave - such as on a pre-assigned wedding dinner banquet table, you can choose to be comfortable with the silence (rather than force conversations through). Alternatively, find a quick excuse to make a move - chances are, the other party shares the same sentiments.
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